The twinges came to nothing and I'm still waiting. It's an odd time, lying in bed at night and waking every morning thinking "will it be today?" You live in a state of uncertainty, knowing that something extraordinary is about to happen and your life is about to change drastically again but not quite knowing when, or how it will start. I keep making appointments wondering if I'll keep them.
My four year old asks, "when is the baby coming?" and there is no answer. I'm enjoying every kick baby makes, thinking it might be the last I feel inside. I like being pregnant and have to remind myself that birth is a beginning of a life rather than an end of a pregnancy. And yet, struggling to keep up with my two boys, I'm wondering if I've got to the stage when I need to have this baby because I need my physical strength and manoeuvrability back.
I was so confident baby would be early. Maybe I'll be proved wrong and will still be waddling around in May.
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Monday, 31 March 2008
Going into Labour
Sorry I haven't written for so long. I've been busy trying to get all the jobs done which I think must be done before baby arrives. I'm sure none of them are actually necessary, but I'm hormonal and can't be expected to think rationally.
Probably the most important thing to do is pack my hospital bag, which is why I haven't done that yet. I'm possibly about to get my comeuppance for my irrationalities as I've been having odd pains all evening and now panicking I'm in early labour (baby isn't actually due until 25 April, but Baby 2 was ten days early.) Me being me, I just thought I should post a blog so that I can cross that off my Pre Baby to-do list. Then I've got to download some photos and send an email to a friend I haven't been in contact with for ages. Then I'll pack my hospital bag.
I'll keep you posted.
Probably the most important thing to do is pack my hospital bag, which is why I haven't done that yet. I'm possibly about to get my comeuppance for my irrationalities as I've been having odd pains all evening and now panicking I'm in early labour (baby isn't actually due until 25 April, but Baby 2 was ten days early.) Me being me, I just thought I should post a blog so that I can cross that off my Pre Baby to-do list. Then I've got to download some photos and send an email to a friend I haven't been in contact with for ages. Then I'll pack my hospital bag.
I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Feeling sorry for myself
I'm feeling sorry for myself today. My parents are having a large drinks party and my husband has been asked to help. That leaves me looking after the children alone on a Sunday, again, trapped by their inescapable demands and squabbles to the extent I feel claustrophobic.
We tried joining the party but a room full of adults holding glasses of wine is not really an appropriate place for two hyperactive little boys. Deciding that despite the lure of the canapes it was too stressful, we've come home and I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I've realised that one of the problems of full-time motherhood is that you feel left out of adult life. My husband tells me that going to work is not that exciting but I don't think he appreciates the luxury of being able to interact with people whose vocabulary extends beyond "tractor" and "mashed potato". That's why mother and toddler groups are so important - I would have gone mad (madder) a long time ago had I not met such a great group of mums in the village. However, even conversations there are frustrating, ended abruptly all too often by a child's urgent need for a wee or a fight over Thomas the Tank Engine.
So, what is a full-time mum to do to preserve her mental sanity? Writing Revolution Baby helped me as it provided some cerebral stimulus, even if it was at ten o'clock at night. Now that's finished and I'm succumbing to the reality of the gravity of late pregnancy there are few options left. Some remain though, however dire the circumstances: feeling VERY sorry for myself as I pulled out of my parents' drive I diverted via the local garage and bought a bar of chocolate. I'm about to eat it all, with a cup of tea. That will serve as some recompense for missing out on adult conversations and canapes. But not much.
We tried joining the party but a room full of adults holding glasses of wine is not really an appropriate place for two hyperactive little boys. Deciding that despite the lure of the canapes it was too stressful, we've come home and I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I've realised that one of the problems of full-time motherhood is that you feel left out of adult life. My husband tells me that going to work is not that exciting but I don't think he appreciates the luxury of being able to interact with people whose vocabulary extends beyond "tractor" and "mashed potato". That's why mother and toddler groups are so important - I would have gone mad (madder) a long time ago had I not met such a great group of mums in the village. However, even conversations there are frustrating, ended abruptly all too often by a child's urgent need for a wee or a fight over Thomas the Tank Engine.
So, what is a full-time mum to do to preserve her mental sanity? Writing Revolution Baby helped me as it provided some cerebral stimulus, even if it was at ten o'clock at night. Now that's finished and I'm succumbing to the reality of the gravity of late pregnancy there are few options left. Some remain though, however dire the circumstances: feeling VERY sorry for myself as I pulled out of my parents' drive I diverted via the local garage and bought a bar of chocolate. I'm about to eat it all, with a cup of tea. That will serve as some recompense for missing out on adult conversations and canapes. But not much.
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Motherhood and Anarchy
This week I hit the depths of motherhood. But then found the highs in the most unlikely places.
Matthew has been working in Croatia for the past ten days. For someone who likes his sleep, he certainly picked the right week to be away.
Firstly Ben (22 months) had croup; nights of wheezing and coughing until he was sick, boiling the kettle to steam his room, wishing I could breath for him.
Then the clocks changed: fall back. Don’t tell me this means an extra hour in bed. Tom (four years) has a digital clock and is trained not to call for us until it says “7”. On Saturday night I put his clock back. On Sunday morning, at 6am exactly, a voice called out “Mummy, my clock is wrong, it’s time to get up.” He spent the rest of the day throwing up.
On Matthew’s ninth night away, Ben was sick again, more coughing and sick and changing sheets. Tom was yelling by 6.20am. I felt woozy. I’m fifteen weeks pregnant but caring for myself, and therefore Baby Three, was always last on the list. My bump hurt and I felt scared I was jeopardising its health. How was I going to get through the day?
Somehow we all got dressed and started to drive to nursery. The Sugababes “About You Now” came on the radio and two little voices sang out from the back. Yes, two. Tom singing the correct nuances of tune and lyrics and Ben grinning and picking up the ends of phrases “around…know..feel…bout you now.”
I laughed, we all laughed and sang until the song faded and I didn’t feel tired any more.
Matthew has been working in Croatia for the past ten days. For someone who likes his sleep, he certainly picked the right week to be away.
Firstly Ben (22 months) had croup; nights of wheezing and coughing until he was sick, boiling the kettle to steam his room, wishing I could breath for him.
Then the clocks changed: fall back. Don’t tell me this means an extra hour in bed. Tom (four years) has a digital clock and is trained not to call for us until it says “7”. On Saturday night I put his clock back. On Sunday morning, at 6am exactly, a voice called out “Mummy, my clock is wrong, it’s time to get up.” He spent the rest of the day throwing up.
On Matthew’s ninth night away, Ben was sick again, more coughing and sick and changing sheets. Tom was yelling by 6.20am. I felt woozy. I’m fifteen weeks pregnant but caring for myself, and therefore Baby Three, was always last on the list. My bump hurt and I felt scared I was jeopardising its health. How was I going to get through the day?
Somehow we all got dressed and started to drive to nursery. The Sugababes “About You Now” came on the radio and two little voices sang out from the back. Yes, two. Tom singing the correct nuances of tune and lyrics and Ben grinning and picking up the ends of phrases “around…know..feel…bout you now.”
I laughed, we all laughed and sang until the song faded and I didn’t feel tired any more.
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